Snack Critic T-Shirts

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'Your peanuts are lousy!'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Trail mix?"

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

Jewish Geometry

Future Wrestler

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

"The cookies are always stale."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"Med Brittle"

"We're out of empanadas!"

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"And this is my husband...he's into energy conservation, mostly his own!"

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

Candy Land for Adults

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

"I got horse dewormer..."

''Pop'? In my part of the country they're called a 'Soda-Tart'.'

"I just had a terrifying glimpse into our snack."

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."