Stadium Snack Critic T-Shirts

'Pass this down, please.'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

Jewish Geometry

Beer Order

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"They'd sold out of #1's."

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

Out to Scrunch.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

You really gorge yourself on sports. THEY score and YOU take a victory lap through the kitchen.!

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

"Hey, that's your personal pan pizza. NO SHARING!"

'These things always taste better at the ballpark.'

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

Beer Burgers Pizza. Field Level Seats. The stadium is limited to twenty percent of capacity. But somehow there's still a long line here.

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

Football today

'Leftovers...! Leftovers!'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'They're not that intelligent.'

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'