Cinema Snack Critic Gifts

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Jewish Geometry

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

An everything bagel? You call this an everything bagel?

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"I just had a terrifying glimpse into our snack."

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

Paranormal tips: sandwiches with crop circles may lead to marmalade stains on trousers

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

'I've coughed up more attractive things than this snack.'

'They're not that intelligent.'

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

Pope-Corn - the Pope cooking his own brand of popcorn

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

"Tasty and nutritious? Any five year old knows that's a contradiction in terms."

Cull people who eat big bags of potato chips during a movie.

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"