Satirical Snack Enthusiast Gifts

Tartine

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Rage.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Love is when you watch television together.

"Trail mix?"

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

Medical Marijuana Dispensary / Medical Cheez Doodles Dispensary

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"The best thing about this, is the lovely honeycomb centre."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"Goal!"

Back in 5 minutes!

Sheltering in place.