Satirical Snacker Gifts

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'I'll have the Pollack salad, and a glass of house wine.'

"Dad, what is a meal?"

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

Most Unpopular Cereals.

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

I can't find the artisanal Pop-Tarts.

Diet.

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

"Pizza lover's pizza"

Book Burp

Vegan

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

"One of those 'damn' foreigners will be along soon to carry out your prostate examination!"

That Snake Talks Sense

The biochemist at lunch: "I'll have another order of fries."

"When I said you needed to give him a more varied diet I DIDN'T just mean all 12 varieties of KRISYSNAX!"

"When someone else is eating it, it wouldn't kill you to be just a little gluten-tolerant."