Snack Satire Enthusiast Gifts

Chips - flavorings flavor.

Tartine

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Support the Ex-Troops

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Torturing the English Language

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Pretty Flowers

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Rage.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The height of fashion in 1796

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Our Two Parties, Explained