Satirical Snackers Gifts

'Joe-do we do a business man's lunch?'

Diet.

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

Cheap eats

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'I'll have the Pollack salad, and a glass of house wine.'

"Dad, what is a meal?"

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

Vegan

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

Book Burp

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

"When I said you needed to give him a more varied diet I DIDN'T just mean all 12 varieties of KRISYSNAX!"

The biochemist at lunch: "I'll have another order of fries."

"When someone else is eating it, it wouldn't kill you to be just a little gluten-tolerant."

'Your peanuts are lousy!'