Cynical Snackers Gifts

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Breakfast surreal.

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

An everything bagel? You call this an everything bagel?

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

No more bribes - today.

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

"I just had a terrifying glimpse into our snack."

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

I Really Don't Care Do U?

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

Cost of living - 'Thank God we're dead.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'Vote Cameron, get Brussels.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

'I've coughed up more attractive things than this snack.'

Wilders breaking election promises.

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

I can't believe it. Dead. Finally. Irrevocably. Someone died? Someone I knew? A little, perhaps, before politicians and corporations conspired to commit bloody murder. Who died? Truth. Truth is dead! Metaphors remain fully alive.

Diet.

'Not ME... I'm watching my cholesterol!'

"I think if there's one thing we've all learned from this, it's that we haven't learned a damn thing."

Vegan

'Glad to heart it. We're recruiting.'

"Tasty and nutritious? Any five year old knows that's a contradiction in terms."

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."