Ironic Snacker Gifts

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'I saw my trainer eating here, and that's good enough for me.'

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

Food-Snob Fear Factor

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"That summit Johnson! Our goal is the summit!"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

Vegan

"Okay, I'll eat my vegetables. But, when they make me big and strong, you better watch out!"

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

Diet.