Ironic Snacker Pillows

Bakery. Any weight I lose can easily find me again by following the trail of crumbs.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'I saw my trainer eating here, and that's good enough for me.'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

"That summit Johnson! Our goal is the summit!"

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

I can't find the artisanal Pop-Tarts.

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

Diet.

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

"Okay, I'll eat my vegetables. But, when they make me big and strong, you better watch out!"

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

Most Unpopular Cereals.