Satirical Snackers Pillows

'Joe-do we do a business man's lunch?'

Diet.

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

Cheap eats

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

'I'll have the Pollack salad, and a glass of house wine.'

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

"Dad, what is a meal?"

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

Vegan

Most Unpopular Cereals.

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

Book Burp

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

"When someone else is eating it, it wouldn't kill you to be just a little gluten-tolerant."