Comedy Snacker Pillows

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

Peanut Butter and Jam Attack,

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

Usher

"Dear God, noooooo oooo!" "The Oreo tragedy"

"Dad, what is a meal?"

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

Book Burp

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"

Vegan

Diet.

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."