Cinema Snacker Pillows

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Cull people who eat big bags of potato chips during a movie.

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

"Do you want fries with that?"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

Usher

"Dad, what is a meal?"

Don't lie to me

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Eating in Heaven.

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

Book Burp

By the time all these previews are over, the sequel will be out.

I can't find the artisanal Pop-Tarts.

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

'Yes, seven dollars is a lot for popcorn.'

"I've hidden all the emergency chocolate in the fruit bowl, it'll be quite safe there."