Cinema Snacker T-Shirts

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

Cull people who eat big bags of potato chips during a movie.

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

"Do you want fries with that?"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Cookie Thief

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

Usher

"Dad, what is a meal?"

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Eating in Heaven.

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

Book Burp

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

'Yes, seven dollars is a lot for popcorn.'

'It's a new reality show on the Women's Channel -- 'Stupid Husband Tricks.''

"I've hidden all the emergency chocolate in the fruit bowl, it'll be quite safe there."

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

OK, OK, you can have it for a nickel, but I won't go a cent lower. Maybe.

!There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!"