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Book Burp

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Cookie Thief

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

"Hey, Jerky! You're standing in the middle of my entrée!"

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

Hey Gus, I've managed to steal some crackers and some grapes too...

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

"Dad, what is a meal?"

Don't lie to me

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Burger Discus

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

15 Second Grocery Delivery

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"

Cull people who eat big bags of potato chips during a movie.

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'