Sneaky Cinema Snackers Pillows

'Do you really think we can sneak this candy in?'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

"I asked my mother to pack my parachute and she packed my lunch instead."

"Works every time."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Don't tell coach about this- he doesn't want us to be friends."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

Children watching a horse show from under the tent

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

Cookie Thief

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Greedy child

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

'Double cheeseburger, large drink, fries, apple pie, chocolate sundae and an antacid, please.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

Apple Tree Dispenser

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

The creature from the CHEESE DIP LAGOON!

"Cookie jars are easy. Try breaking into this tough plastic packaging!"

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Obese brother'.

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

Don't lie to me

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.