Surreal Snacker Pillows

Breakfast surreal.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"That summit Johnson! Our goal is the summit!"

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

'I'll have the Pollack salad, and a glass of house wine.'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

Book Burp

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

"I've hidden all the emergency chocolate in the fruit bowl, it'll be quite safe there."