Quirky Snacker Pillows

I can't find the artisanal Pop-Tarts.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"The bagels are better in New York."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Tzatzikicicle

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Breakfast surreal.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

'You're pushing food round your plate.' 'No, it's moving on its own.'

Is it too late to substitute a bee in my coffee for a fly in my soup?

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Do you have anything on the menu without maple syrup on it?"

"It's just like the regular stew only it's got some bits of matter in it we can't identify."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'And you didn't think there would be any customers for liver-flavored cupcakes.'

'My husband eats like a bird - Do you have regurgitated insects?'

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Mom says I should eat differnt colored foods. I'll have a pizza with jelly beans."

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"Your steak's prepared in the firebox of a 17th century tank engine - unfortunately sir, the chef can't confirm if it has 0-60T wheel arrangement or not."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

'You dunk your donuts your way...'

"We grind our own catnip."

"There are 12,000 species of ants... and you prefer worms?"

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'