Cheeky Snacker Pillows

"I do diet...between snacks."

Super Heroes.

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Quick swig first?"

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'We're very proud of our little Charlie. His reading is far in advance of his chronological age....'

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

Oh, Boy, Mom. A peanut and jellyworm sandwich.'

'He became an enthusiastic silver surger when he discovered there are nude ladies on the internet.'

Library - Cats for Dummies.

"By the time I count to 10, you'd better be doing your math homework!"

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

Fresh hamsters on a stick.

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

Book ratings.

"Dad, what is a meal?"

"It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's ok."

The individual cheese slice. Oddly, not the first choice for the truly individual.

Sorry, I'm too ill to come in today. More medicine please, nurse.

Don't lie to me

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

'I told you to pick me up around the corner.'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

"Gracie, you can't leave Animal Crackers all over the place!"