Cheeky Eater Pillows

"It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's ok."

'You can eat anything you want on this diet, but there's a strict limit on what you can swallow.'

"Quick swig first?"

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

"I do diet...between snacks."

'Oxygen with that swimsuit ma'am?'

"It's an agreeable little wine."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

Thong World.

'He became an enthusiastic silver surger when he discovered there are nude ladies on the internet.'

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'Man, the next hangover will kill me for sure... that's why I've decided to be drunk 24 hours a day!'

'I thought I'd copy my C.V. while the boss is out of the office!'

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.

"...and then there's the small matter of that ball you planted on the fourth green."

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."

I Will Not Chew My Pencil

'I hate to ask this on my first day... but can you loan me about 650.00?'

Now that's what I call a Twinkle.

Sauces & Pickles

'Just get us the house plonk, matey - we're litre louts,'

'Get naked - I need an endorphin fix.'

'Nice try...'

'The chili special and a corn dog? Okay, pal -- it's your life.'

"So... you've decided to turn your neurons into morons."

'Oh, Alright then - one for the road.'

'Yes we are married, but not to each other.'