Cheeky Eater Pillows

"It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's ok."

'You can eat anything you want on this diet, but there's a strict limit on what you can swallow.'

"Quick swig first?"

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

"I do diet...between snacks."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'Oxygen with that swimsuit ma'am?'

"It's an agreeable little wine."

Thong World.

'He became an enthusiastic silver surger when he discovered there are nude ladies on the internet.'

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

'Man, the next hangover will kill me for sure... that's why I've decided to be drunk 24 hours a day!'

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

'I thought I'd copy my C.V. while the boss is out of the office!'

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.

"...and then there's the small matter of that ball you planted on the fourth green."

Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.

'Great job! Now cover the other eye.'

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."

I Will Not Chew My Pencil

Sauces & Pickles

'I hate to ask this on my first day... but can you loan me about 650.00?'

Now that's what I call a Twinkle.

'Just get us the house plonk, matey - we're litre louts,'

'Get naked - I need an endorphin fix.'

'Nice try...'

'The chili special and a corn dog? Okay, pal -- it's your life.'

"So... you've decided to turn your neurons into morons."