Cheeky Pillows

'Get naked - I need an endorphin fix.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

Geezer.

Sticking out tongue

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

"Your dump or mine..?"

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

'Big Issue!'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'My dad is a CEO - don't trust him!'

'Dinner was taking too long, so I just went ahead and ordered pizza.'

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

Clean Fill Wanted

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

'The lads are hoping you'll get time off for good behaviour - say next Tuesday fortnight at the Red Lion....'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

"By breaking the seal on this dress, you accept the terms and conditions printed on my panties."

'Have you a moment sir?...A: Yes; B: No; or C: Naff off?'

'There's always one.'

"You can be a right stirrer sometimes!"