Cheeky Artist Pillows

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"We've invented a new word!"

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"Wanna chill at my place?"

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

"Bring me a tit, and make it snappy."

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

5,- euro and I'll show you how to hustle 5,- Euro from a doofus!!"

Easter Island

'I want some lessons in back seat driving.'

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

'I've never seen such a big sausage!'

Football Fantasies

"I'm doing well at school. My teacher says I've got an answer for everything."

(anteater sticking its tongue at passers-by)

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

'My former boss will tell you I tend to say inappropriate things. But that's because he's an uptight jerk like you.'

'My first day? I got to meet with the principal one on one.'

'There's always one.'

"I'm using a fake background, no one knows I'm the litter box."

"You can be a right stirrer sometimes!"

'I've been sent for booze and fags - I've got a stay-at-home mum.'

"Hullo, 'Railtrack' here, we're thinking of organising a few drinks at your place..."