Cheeky Conversationalist Pillows

'My former boss will tell you I tend to say inappropriate things. But that's because he's an uptight jerk like you.'

My lips say "no," but I can usually talk my lips into doing what I want.

Good afternoon, Sir. Did you know a canvasser becomes frustrated and violent every 24 minutes in this country?

Your next drink is on me, pretty lady! Would you like it on your head or on your lap?

'Interesting jugs.'

'I told him everything except the sex with Mr. Monahan.'

"Wanna chill at my place?"

"I'm doing well at school. My teacher says I've got an answer for everything."

"it's just different words for the same thing."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"