Cheeky Storyteller Pillows

"Bring me a tit, and make it snappy."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Elephant ass selfie.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Sticking out tongue

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Hog Futures

Centaur falls in love.

Justice for a heckler.

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'