Secretive Snacker Pillows

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Honest Vending

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Works every time."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Breakfast surreal.

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

"Don't tell coach about this- he doesn't want us to be friends."

Student Food Pyramid

Bill stumbles upon an automated taco maker.

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

Romulus and Remus and the Vending Machine

"You complete me."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"It's a map to the vending machines."

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

'Because it's there!'