Secretive Snacker Pillows

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Honest Vending

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"Works every time."

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

"Don't tell coach about this- he doesn't want us to be friends."

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

Student Food Pyramid

Breakfast surreal.

Bill stumbles upon an automated taco maker.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"It's a map to the vending machines."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Romulus and Remus and the Vending Machine

"You complete me."

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'