Sleeper Agent Gifts

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

CIA. Office of Disinformation. Please Use Other Door.

Snooze Alarm for Mole.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

Hollywood, 2083.

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"My agent."

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

'Can you do anything else?'

For goodness sake, can't you see I'm on a night shift!

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Jenkins has always been good at saving energy."

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"Oh, wow! 4:30!! I slept all day again!"

Grants & Recipients

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

'You SHALL go to the ball, subject to my usual arrangement fee of 30% of any ensuing profits.'

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'