Sleeper Agent Pillows

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

Snooze Alarm for Mole.

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"My agent."

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

Hollywood, 2083.

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"These are my windscreen credits."

For goodness sake, can't you see I'm on a night shift!

"Jenkins has always been good at saving energy."

"Oh, wow! 4:30!! I slept all day again!"

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

'Can you do anything else?'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

Grants & Recipients

'You SHALL go to the ball, subject to my usual arrangement fee of 30% of any ensuing profits.'