Professional Sleeper Pillows

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Night-time halo

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

Interpretive napping

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

Baby zipping himself up then going to sleep

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"You were snoring."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

"What's with your hair?"

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

Center For Sleep Deprivation

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'