Skeptical Diner Gifts

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'd recommend this."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

I recommend the ketchup.

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"Lager!"

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'The food is disgusting.' 'And such small portions.'

'I was going to send back this dreadful wine - but then I realized it's the perfect match for your dreadful chicken.'

"Yes, we have several specials. But if we offered them to everybody, they wouldn't be special, would they?"

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

"We're all dying to try something that you set on fire at our table."

"The service here is terrible."

"Oh for God's sake Peter, do remove your feet from the table."