Skeptical Diner T-Shirts

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'd recommend this."

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

I recommend the ketchup.

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"Lager!"

I've always wondered why waiters in fancy restaurants wear a napkin over their arm. Because when you see the check, you'll want something to cry into.

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

'The food is disgusting.' 'And such small portions.'

'I was going to send back this dreadful wine - but then I realized it's the perfect match for your dreadful chicken.'

"Yes, we have several specials. But if we offered them to everybody, they wouldn't be special, would they?"

"We're all dying to try something that you set on fire at our table."

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

"Oh for God's sake Peter, do remove your feet from the table."

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'