Nervous Diner T-Shirts

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

"The service here is terrible."

'This is a bit awkward, but we'll have the chicken.'

Monster eating furniture,

Eat at Joe's Topless Diner.

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

'Separate cheques?'

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

'Excuse me sir, have you found and contact lenses in your soup?'