Grumpy Diner T-Shirts

"I always give a 10% tip for good service but on today's showing, you owe me £15!"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'Sunnyside down.'

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

'FQ...?'

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

"The service here is terrible."

Moan Pig.

Pissed-off hour.