Grumpy Diner T-Shirts

"I always give a 10% tip for good service but on today's showing, you owe me £15!"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Sunnyside down.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'FQ...?'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

"No more cross buns for you!"

Friends began to feel that Gina was only dating Howard as a father figure.

Pissed-off hour.