Quirky Diner Hunter T-Shirts

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"The usual."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Sushi Train Spotters

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'How d'you want your eggs - down your pants, over your head...?'

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Fast Food Restaurant

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"Dinner looks delicious."

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'