Nervous Diner Pillows

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

I recommend the ketchup.

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

"The service here is terrible."

Friends began to feel that Gina was only dating Howard as a father figure.

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

Eat at Joe's Topless Diner.

'This is a bit awkward, but we'll have the chicken.'

Monster eating furniture,

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

'Separate cheques?'

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!