Awkward Diner Pillows

'Separate cheques?'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Sushi Train Spotters

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"Dinner looks delicious."

"I'll have the chef."

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

Road Kill Cafe.