Single Parent Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'You never knew your father- he went to market.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I need to know who started it."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."