Single Parent Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'You never knew your father- he went to market.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I need to know who started it."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"