Service Industry Survivors Gifts

"Yes, sir, there's a fly in your soup... There's a fly in everybody's soup!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

Do not feed the clerks.

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

'Is that freshly brewed?'

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

'Of course I care, madam!'

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."