Service Industry Veterans Gifts

"Would Sir like that with salad, bread or bad humour"

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"The president is awarding the Medal of Honor to 24 Army veterans...whose heroism and gallantry were overlooked because of their race or ethnicity."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

Monument To The General/Soldier Monument

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

'I could have sworn I put the Waterloo battle plan in here.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'No, I'm not wearing high heels. I look taller because the minimum wage will increase and now I can stand taller.'

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

"Any chance of some credit?"

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

'Will that be for here or to go - and if it's to go, can you take me with you?'

"I read that 40% of us have to take a second job just to make ends meet...It's a disgrace!"

Too rare perhaps?

Patience Tested While You Wait.