Workplace Veteran Gifts

"You're over 50. While we appreciate your past contributions, we need to put them behind us and move on."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Work Slave

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'