War Veteran Gifts

'We learned about Vietnam in school today, Grandpa -- shame on you!'

Remembering All The American Idols.

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

Pension Shortfall - 'Are we going to have to re-enlist?'

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

"Buy him a pint and he'll tell you about the blitz, buy him three and he'll re-enact it"

"There's a trade today honoring vets. Wanna go?"

'I saw a lot of action during my time in the conservative party.'

'Don't listen to him - He didn't lose it in Iraq - He's a manx!'

Clearing up medals.

'That one's for being a very brave boy!'

For service to services...

'I'm feeling a bit more secure about the world situation. He just invested in a six-year certificate.'

'Honey, this is my Uncle Dougie - He lost most of his DNA during the war.'

Swift boat smear.

Blood on their Hands

World War II - Stalag 541 escape club reunion annual dinner.

'Look out! Caliban!'

War heroes have their pictures taken with toppled Saddam Hussein statue.

'My doctor tells me I have medal poisoning.'

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

'This one is for not stirring up global tensions with anything I say in TV interviews.'

Blood on their Hands

Support the Ex-Troops

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Postwar is hell."

Military Medals

Naval Veterans Drinking at Greenwich Pub

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

'I was in the catering corps.'