Customer Service Veterans Gifts

"Any chance of some credit?"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Do not feed the clerks.

"If you think my service is bad. . . wait 'til you taste the food!"

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

"I'd recommend this."

'Of course I care, madam!'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

"I used to wait tables but I found I was more suited to producing movies."

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

'Please remember how silly and humiliating grinding pepper is when you figure my tip.'