Call Center Veterans Gifts

"If you want to know what you can do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."

'Sure, sure, I'll hold...doing 25-years-to life, one thing I have is time'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Stress

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

Call centre musicians

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

For goodness sake, can't you see I'm on a night shift!

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

'I'm getting tired of these huge phone bills.'

'Honey, it's me! If you want to marry me, please press 1!'

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

"Huddled masses, line 3."

"The time is now 7:42 - and if you can hang on for half a sec, I'll witch you over to Phil with the weather."