Call Center Veteran Gifts

"Due to heavy call volume, your wait time will be six years."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

"Hello?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

The Communicator

'I hate my life.

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Stress

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'