Call Center Employee Gifts

Very busy at Indian call centre. Laid-back in UK office. Man asks: 'Could we outsource tea-making?'

'I'm sorry you were on hold so long, but I was finishing up a webinar on customer service.'

'We Want Our Jobs Back'

Nellie resolves to find a new insurance company.

"Heck, yeah, we have benefits! Take the coffeepot, for instance...it's always full."

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

'All our staff are currently on a customer care course. . . please wait, your call is important to us!'

"Waiting for some customers to call?!"

"Please wait while we have a cup of coffee and a bit of a chat about what we're doing at the weekend your call is important to us..."

'It's that guy in India who's going to do your job. He's wondering if you could send your wife over to get acquainted.'

'You were a telemarketer - how unfortunate.' (St. Peter to dead man at pearly gates)

Sorry, answers are on another number...

'Thank you for calling the guru. If you want the meaning of life, press one. If you want the significance of the Universe, press two. If you want....'

Why sales don't get made. . .

"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. If at some point that's no longer true, we will disconnect."

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

Office joker

'It's that bloody woman from Solihull again pestering me about the claim I'm making for her - and have you noticed it's always lunch times when she phones?'

Smooth Operators -Holiday Cover.

Please wait while we have a cup of coffee and a bit of a chat about what we're doing at the weekend your call is important to us...the wrong automated cal system can have disasterous effects upon your customers.

Smooth Operators - Hi Tech.

'This should make us more responsive to customers.'

We're sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please continue holding for the next available recorded message.

'I had a good day. No one insulted me.'

A man talking to himself on a telephone hotline.

'If you would not like to speak to a human, press one...'

"This is your government. For complaints about the stock rates. Press 1. for complaints about economic policy. Press 2. for complaints about the weather. Press 3. for complaints about your relationship..."

'This call is to inform you of a special offer and to let you know that being placed on the DO NOT CALL list doesn't work.'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"It's easier to hang up on robocalls because there are no hard feelings."

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"All our genies are busy at the moment - please try again later."

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

"No, no. It's three thumps for call waiting and five thumps for call forwarding."

"Huddled masses, line 3."