Call Center Worker Gifts

'Thank you for holding - your call is important to us.'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"So we're agreed-whoever picks the short straw has to cold-call potential donors and try to raise enough money for some food."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"Thank you for calling civil liberties - your call may be recorded."

'Yes, I do want insurance. Can I take out a policy against you ringing me up at work.'

Staff are all busy having a cup of coffee and a bit of a sit down...please hold on, your call IS important to us!

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'Yes, it's Joe Mongoose speaking, but I don't have time to take the survey now: I'm kind of in the middle of a fight to the death...'

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

'This is a recording.' 'Doesn't bother me, I'm a hologram.'

'We're experiencing technical difficulties with the geni fulfilment center. A geni will be with you shortly.'

'All our operators are busy with customers who don't have an eternity to wait.'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with life!"

'It hasn't been the same since they started installing solar panels onto church rooves'

'Hi, I'm Miss Beeny's stand-in! I don't have a computer password. I don't know anything. In fact, I don't have the foggiest idea what the heck I do here. How can I help you'?

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

"I asked our tech support to escalate me to the next level...they transferred me to a suicide hotline!"

"Attention - today we're using British accents, and we're doing the bank scam."

"How can I be of absolutely no assistance whatsoever?"

RSI

We don't have any vacancies for people to 'pierce the heart of a virtuous maid with the arrow of desire'...have you thought of about working in a call center?

'Are you gonna answer that?'

No Cold Callers.

'I got into telemarketing because I have a hard time maintaining eye contact when making a sale.'

Staff are all busy having a cup of coffee and a bit of a sit down...please hold on,your call IS important to us!

'No,I don't know where you can buy good quality cannabis.'

'If you want to pay your bill, press one. If you want to discuss your bill, press two. If you're frustrated because you can't just talk to a living, breathing, human being, press three.'

'And press nine if you are loosing the will to live!'

Hotline.

"Any accidents within the last twelve months?"

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."