Call Centre Employee Gifts

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

'We've been outsourced to an Indian cool centre.'

'Your call may be recorded and used for training purposes.'

'I can't get through!'

'I let my mind wander ... I don't think it's coming back.'

"Now I'm going to ask for your phone number. You'll say the first three digits, then I'll interrupt you as you're saying the next three digits, then we'll talk over each other, then neither of us will say anything for a few seconds, and then we'll talk over each other again."

'It's ridiculous we never have enough staff on a Sunday.'

'How long have you had these delusions about being important to a call centre?'

'Hello, Learn Direct, how can I help? Hello, Learn Direct...'

Headphones Strip 16: Blasphemy

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"Hello?"

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

The Communicator

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'I hate my life.

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You can't say that to a customer!"