Call Center Champion Gifts

'By hiring inept employees we make our customers more likely to use our automated call system.'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"Hello?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

The Communicator

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'I hate my life.

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Your call is important to us...

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'I understand Sir. No, I didn't take that personally, Sir...Could you hold please?'

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'