Call Center Champion Pillows

'By hiring inept employees we make our customers more likely to use our automated call system.'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

The Communicator

"Hello?"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'I hate my life.

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Your call is important to us...

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'I understand Sir. No, I didn't take that personally, Sir...Could you hold please?'

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

'Sorry, but I'll have to call back...I'm all wrapped up at the moment.'

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'