Call Center Champ Pillows

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Stress

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

Automated customer service.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'I'm getting tired of these huge phone bills.'

'Honey, it's me! If you want to marry me, please press 1!'

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

"I'm here to thank you. The suffering index is much higher since you outsourced your customer service and tech support overseas."

Call centre musicians

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'